The paradox of tolerance and on leaving communities

2024-10-08 10:14:00

This morning I made a difficult choice: I left a community I'd been a very active part of for years.

The /r/comptia study group on Discord was a highly active community when I joined in 2020. Dozens of people would chat every day, while preparing for one of many CompTIA certification exams. My original goal of joining, just like with joining the /r/comptia sub-Reddit, was to offer mentoring and coaching.

Per the start of this year I volunteerd to co-moderate the group on Discord. Despite dwindling activity over the years, trolls and spammers were still very active and the moderation team could use the help.

What also changed over the last years, is that some community members got more vocal in their political discussions in the #breakroom channel.

At times I would contribute to the discussion, offering a left/socialist/progressive point of view in a discussion that was very much right/conservative oriented. At other times I would attempt to steer the channel towards halting the discussions as I felt they were drifting further away or even discouraging the actual, intended purpose of this Discord community: providing a welcoming studygroup for anyone and everyone. 

With the upcoming elections in the United States, I have noticed an uptick in the conservative diatribe in the breakroom including exchanges which could be characterized as "dog whistles": sentence of ambiguous and figurative language which make hide the sometimes extreme points of view under a veneer of deniability.

I feel that this situation not just detracts, but goes against the goal of our community. I feel that many students would be actively dissuaded from participating in the studygroup, because of these messages.

I decided this morning that I have two choices.

I can remain part of this community, trying to provide a counterpoint to these messages. Or maybe I could try to moderate more heavily, steering away from these discussions. But given that one of the active contributors to these extreme discussions is a co-moderator, I don't feel this stands much chance.

Or, I could leave the community because staying implies that I tolerate or even support these points of view being ventilated so openly in a shared space. Tieing my name to such a community, implies that I'm okay with scaring off a large group of students.

I chose the latter. 

I publicly announced why I left, also sending a private message to the people involved. With one person I also decided to unlink on LinkedIn, clarifying again why I felt the need to do so.

What I didn't expect to happen was that someone whom I'd trusted and mentored for two years, whom I'd help complete their master's capstone project, unlinked and blocked me in return (though without sending a message as to why). That was a big punch to my gut.

It was to be expected that I would be accused of being intolerant myself, of not "reaching across the aisle", of not "welcoming open discussion and respecting each others opinions", of not "looking beyond the message to see the person". 

All of this is part of the Paradox of Tolerance. To quote the Wiki article: 

If a society's practice of tolerance includes the intolerant, intolerance will ultimately dominate, eliminating both the tolerant and the practice of tolerance

Or to put it differently: simply by associating with people who utter extreme points of view, to an outside audience it implies that I endorse their message. 

So I left. It cost me a community and someone I considered to be a friend. But I do not wish to be in a group where the rest of the moderation and admin team abide others creating an unwelcoming atmosphere. 


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